Wow. It has been forever since I've updated, and I am so glad I'm not in that icky emo phase anymore.
Last year at WSU. Officially.
Its official because Kenya Swanson says so. And she knows things.
Finished the theatre program, and on to the gen eds (which I am surprised that I enjoy so much).
My Com 1010 professor is a crazy theatre instructor, which is awesome!!
As for Anthro, it is generally know that I adore sassy people in general but she's also really funny which makes the passage of the 2.5 hours that much easier.
I've developed an unhealthy interest in HBO series which causes me to be distraught when I finish the seasons of Dexter, Weeds (not on HBO but still..) and Pushing Daisies (also not on HBO...worse still! Its canceled.) and results in a fixation on when they will be completed. Blockbuster...oh Blockbuster the bane of my existence. Working for your heartless corporate mega body is draining my soul and not putting much monetary compensation in my pocket. Sadly I can't quit because that would mean I would stop getting the free movies...and getting paid.
New year, New roommates, New apartment, which I actually like! Both of my roommates are nice girls and I seem to be able to function as a normal adult, paying bills and such. Ah! Growth! Upward and forward, putting down roots. I guess it's a metaphorical springtime in my life. I only wish that it would burgeon forth into the frigid Michigan weather that is a month too early in my estimation.
Evan and I are still together. What are the odds right? It'll be two whole years January 1st. He bought me monkey slippers for Christmas, and I will be forever thankful. He even got up early and went apple picking!
I was very bold this year. I got bangs. Not the wispy little half-way indecisive bangs, but heavy thick, blunt, edgy high-fashion bangs gracing the faces of girls on the runways.
I think I've figured this year out. Its all about putting the positivity out there; paying off your debts (both literally and figuratively.
Oh yeah, I'm going on showcase this year with the MFA's and BFA's. Watch out Chicago, New York, I'm gonna knock you dead.
1. Next to each number, write only the name of the person who fits.
2. Answer one question with one name.
3. Don't tell the questions to anyone who isn't doing the meme.( Read more...Collapse )
I'm not entirely sure how to put this, mainly because I'm not sure how I'll feel five, ten or twenty minutes from now after writing this. Please know that this is where my mind is right now, and I don't want this to impact our relationship. I'm feeling a little lost right now and when I'm with you, the feeling goes away a little. I don't know whether I'm scared or if its something else entirely but I've been thinking a lot lately about how things were back when we were friends.
I hate being miserable.
And thats what I am when your not around, or if I don't have someone else to distract me.
I'm becoming codependant, and its not a happy feeling.
Not to scare you or anything but a couple of weeks ago I found my life insurance statement. It was for $20,000. All I remember thinking was, is that it? Thats how much I'm worth?
I could have my mom pay off her debts, my schooling, even pay my landlord. Everything could be set right with $20,000.
Your never going to read this though.
I just decided not to send it.
Truth be told the mouse was right on the send button but I just couldnt do it. I wasnt strong enough.
See? Even now I can't do something for me because you might be hurt by it. Damn you. I can't even make up my own fucking mind. To send or not to send that is the question. What am I saying, Hamlets position was far worse than mine and here I am being morose?!
I am very tempted to scream and rattle this cage I'm in by doing god knows what. But I won't. Because I love you.
I'll just go on pretending everything is just fine and dandy.
"Sure go on. Break plans we had. I know friends mean a whole lot to you"
"Its okay I'll find something else to do, like sit in front of the TV for hours on end. That'll be swell.
I must me a bloody masochist.
Ha! Thats what love is. Just another bloody form of masochism.
I fucking hate you for making me love you.
- Mood:pissed off
- Music:anouk- lost
I've been unusually morose lately. That hasn't happened in a while.
I suppose its a side effect of not sleeping well.
(Though if that were the case apathy would be the cure-all that it usually is.)
Two months behind on rent and no coming money in sight aside from the show I'm doing,
I'm still watching mom's dog but she refuses to talk to me ever since I found out she claimed me on her taxes (The mom not the dog) which again means no money for me.
The result is me laying on the pulled out futon in my living room staring at the tv bathed in the glow of early 90's Seinfeld re-runs and the obnoxious prison-yard lights from the parking lot next door.
I woke up this morning wondering why M hasn't called yet, and promptly realized it's because I have to fax all the info I can over to my landlord and pray to god he accepts it.
I need another job.
All of this idleness is giving me to much time to think.
And then there's E.
I'm just really lucky that I have him.
When he's around I feel like myself again.
Besides how many boyfriends do you know that would give their girlfriend the sun?
Granted it was a piece of cake, but still.
I dreamt last night that E. broke up with me.
I awoke rationalizing that since he invited me to an event as important as his sister's bridal shower, it wouldn't make sense. Big steps like that just don't happen when the guy really deep down inside is just plain tired of you.
Still I know that even though I was his first, I probably won't be his last.
That terrifies me.
I feel how it looks outside.
There's no reason for me to be upset but tell that to my Id.
I don't want to be alone right now.
My house feels cold, and not altogether empty but strange all the same.
It's probably the weather.
Thats what it has to be.
So sari silk is a bitch to sew...I am seriously starting to kick myself for taking on so huge of a project. hopefully though it'll turn out lovely. ::crosses fingers, and calls for Madeline to rescue her::
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7. In return, you must post this in your LJ
A quiet rhapsody is building inside of me. Demolishing all of my preconcieved thoughts, wrapping me in soft assurances.
I walked home from the bonstelle tonight. And the snow was a whisper soft curtain of white. Flawless until my ungainly shoe left its wreckage on the sidewalk. I talked with a man who asked for a dollar, and we shared a cookie instead. We are the same, he and I. The only difference being, life has left harder marks about his face. But his smile is still as beautiful as I imagine it was when he was my age.
- Location:The D
- Music:Damien Rice
Almost the shell of a woman after the surgeon's knife!
And almost a year to creep back into strength,
Till the dawn of our wedding decennial
Found me my seeming self again.
We walked the forest together,
By a path of soundless moss and turf.
But I could not look in your eyes,
And you could not look in my eyes,
For such sorrow was ours -- the beginning of gray in your hair,
And I but a shell of myself.
And what did we talk of? -- sky and water,
Anything, 'most, to hide our thoughts.
And then your gift of wild roses,
Set on the table to grace our dinner.
Poor heart, how bravely you struggled
To imagine and live a remembered rapture!
Then my spirit drooped as the night came on,
And you left me alone in my room for a while,
As you did when I was a bride, poor heart.
And I looked in the mirror and something said:
"One should be all dead when one is half dead --
Nor ever mock life, nor ever cheat love."
And I did it looking there in the mirror --
Dear, have you ever understood?